If you’ve never ridden a bike before, here’s what you should know before you start

By Bri Ribalta

August 17, 2020 at 06:06 PM PST

Bicycle riding in the park has been a long tradition in the Hook family for decades. It all changed in the fall of 2009, when Marti Hook fell off his bicycle during a normal family outing.

I didn’t know what to do to diffuse the situation. This had never happened before, and the last thing that I wanted to do was scare the children – said Marta Hook, Marti’s ex-wife. Life was never the same after that incident. We made a silent agreement to never discuss what happened at the park ever again, but our relationship with Marti was forever severed.

He fell on other incidents, but I pretended I didn’t see it. The Hook’s children look at their mother with disbelief. With tears in her eyes Marta turns to her son and daughter. In the back yard, he would sometimes practice while you and your sister were out of the house — she says, the words creating obvious knots in her throat. But he just couldn’t stay balanced on that bicycle anymore.

Two years after the incident, Marta filed for divorce citing irreconcilable diferences. It was the fall in the park, she said without hesitation. If the divorce papers had a ‘write-in’ section that’s what it would say. Mart, their eleven year old son puts his hands around his mother. We love our dad, but we can’t live under the same roof as a grown man who falls off a bicycle. Mara, the Hook’s youngest daughter just looks at the floor and bites her nails. I don’t want to talk about it, she says as she leaves the room.

Now, Marta is an advocate for bicycle riders. She has created a non profit organization called Don’t Fall Off Bikes, to warn and support other bicycle riders. If you’re an adult thinking of learning to ride a bicycle she has a few tips to help you in your journey.

  • Hold on to the handlebars – regardless of what happens, those handlebars is an extension of you – explains Marta. If you let yourself go, you lose yourself. I can’t find you if you are lost. The same applies to bicycles. If you lose control and ride into the woods, I can’t find you.
  • Put your foot on the pedals – The pedals are like the engine in your body – your heart. If you want to go somewhere you need a strong engine to get you there. You and only you can get the engine to work.
  • Smile, Smile, Smile – nothing wrong can happen when you smile, says Marta as she flashes a smile and walks into a wall.

Researchers in Michigan have found a link between where you put your clean clothes while your shower and childhood trauma

SOMEWEAR, ELMUNDO — MAY 2, 1905 PICTURED: L. OKO – Founder of the Institute for Abnormal Research.

By Bri Ribalta

August 15, 2020 at 01:54 PM PST

MICHIGAN – What if throwing clean clothes on the bathroom sink meant that you still carry resentment for not being hugged enough as a child? That’s exactly what researchers at the Institute of Abnormal Research have found. A study that spanned three decades and over two million participants, has uncovered that our pre-shower patterns are connected to our childhood. A strong link was found between the place where you leave your clean clothes while you shower and childhood trauma, said Peen Hed, lead researcher of this ground-breaking study.

Seventy-five percent of the participants who reported throwing their clean clothes on any open surface in the bathroom, also reported at least ten different incidents when their parents forgot to pick them up from after school. Fifty-seven percent of those who only take a robe into the bathroom, also reported isolation and neglect during childhood. The most interesting finding in this study, where that participants who reported changing pre-shower habits as adults after a major event in their life.

I didn’t think twice about it when I started carefully placing my clothes on top of the closed hamper – explains Mary Hadalam, participant in the study. After a few days, it all came flooding back. I remember hiding from my cousins who bullied me and pulled my hair as a child. I had buried this in my unconscious for obvious reasons. During the study, I had to face my demons. I realized that I represented my bath towel. That’s why I never hung it up on the hook – she continues, tearing up. It was because I couldn’t stand up to my cousins. The rest of my clothes were just extensions of my personality as a child – sweet, naive and shy. Mary who is also an online certified psychological healer, reports that she will use these findings with her clients to help them see the light at the end of the tunnel.

What does this all mean for the average person trying to live a full life? As more people become aware of the study more questions arise. This study was just the beginning of understanding the human mind – said Ann Doofes, first chair assistant in this study. Bathroom habits are just the tip of the iceberg. The mind is a mysterious being – she continues as she grabs her car keys. For instance, I can’t recall where I put down my dirty lab coats and now my neighbor tells me through a text message that she found the lab coats in her hamper.

No word on when future studies will begin, but we hope that it will uncover some of the most mysterious questions that have haunted mankind for centuries.

How a woman’s therapy sessions with her dog changed her outlook on life

Alicia and Tom celebrating their first Christmas together – December 2012

By Bri Ribalta

August 15,2020 at 12:06 AM PST

MIAMI — Alicia Frey thought that her prayers had been answered when her friend recommended she visit a well-known therapist specializing in relationships. Something had to be done to save that bond between Alicia and Tom – said Jen Robin. Tom is Alicia’s ten year old dog. It was love at first sight when Tom ran in front of Alicia’s car one afternoon. From that day on, the two were inseparable. Ruff, ruff, ruff – barked Tom, recalling their first anniversary in Hawaii. It seemed like nothing could come between the couple.

Seven years later, life didn’t seem like a fairy tale anymore, says Alicia. Tom was barely barking, and Alicia could not deal with the lack of communication in the house. I thought I would lose my mind. I was a little hesitant to see Patty Mind, LMFT. Still I knew that if someone could help me it would be Mind.

I didn’t see it coming – says Alicia, tears filling her eyes. I had no idea he felt this way. Tom had just dropped a bombshell that would test their relationship. For the passed two years, Tom has been in love with Daisy – a grey standard poodle next door. He remembers how his world changed after Daisy moved next door. Ruff, Ruff – he barks, to describe the sophistication and mellow nature of Daisy. Right before their fifth session with Ms. Mind, Tom promised that he would come clean. Even though he never had a physical relationship with Daisy – he feels like a cheater and liar for keeping this a secret from Alicia for two years.

Thinking about it, I ignored the signs. I saw what I wanted to see, says Alicia as she practices archery. A new hobby that she started after her platonic split from Tom. All of the sudden, he became a different dog. He no longer enjoyed my belly rubs when Daisy was in the yard. Instead, he sat by the backdoor and watched her behind the screen. I thought that he just wanted to play with Daisy’s toys. I wanted to blind myself from the truth and did so for two years.

Alicia has been able to recover from this eye opening experience with a fresh perspective on life. She and Tom still share a home, but give each other the privacy that they each deserve. I love him and always will. When you love someone, you let them breathe and thrive. Now I see that I was holding on too tightly and that wasn’t what either of us wanted out of our relationship. We’re still best friends and nothing can ever change that. Arf, Arf, Ruff – barked Tom in agreement.

Imagine the sabotage if your cellphone was secretly in love with you

Antwan
Babe I’m running a little late.

Phone
Hey you make my booty itch with all your nonsense. we’re done.

Mara
What the hell? Your booty itches because you’re anti-lotion.

Phone
Well I hope that booty itches so much they have to cut it off.

Antwan
What? Babe you know I’m sensitive about my ashy booty.

Phone
Yea that was creative. Anyways, when can I come by to pick up my stuff.

Mara
Whenever I don’t have to see your idiot face anymore.

Phone
I’m already burning your shit. Since you like ashes:

Different strokes for different folks

A coworker once told me that she loves the smell of Acetone because it reminds her of hair salons. I go into a dark place when I think of hair salons, and recall the years of havinga hairdresser try to comb the African out of me.

* From ages 9-18, I left with a burned scalp 9 out of 10 times that I went into a hair salon.
* Relaxer day was a reminder me that I would never be good enough unless if I had straight silky hair.
* The constant staring, mocking and giggling really confused me, since we were the same skin tone and had very a similar hair texture.
* I like washing my hair.
* Black women have been told to hate their hair for so long, that some don’t even understand why they should love their natural hair.
* I hate listening to gossip for 4 hours straight.
* The water to wash my hair was either too hot or too cold. It was really hard to find the perfect temperature for some reason.
* I’ve never enjoyed reading magazines. Skimming through magazines to pass time is boring and overrated.
* Keeping a relaxer from wearing off too quickly was more complicated than learning a third language.

How cheesy can I get?

  • When I forget where I put my glasses is because I put them in a different spot every time.
  • Professional cats and dogs in the entertainment industry can work together. Why do human entertainers have to tear each other apart?
  • Men grabbing their junk makes me think that a dangling pipi is uncomfortable. You telling me it isn’t and almost immediately grabbing your junk doesn’t convince me that it is not.
  • Every time I do something that I don’t remember doing I assume it was my twin who did it. And, that’s that.
  • Every fancy house that I’ve been to has furniture looks like it hasn’t been used.
  • Girl, what she say!? Really..what did she say? I didn’t catch the last part. I’m to sure how I should feel about the whole speech.
  • I once saw a fight break out at a Karaoke bar between two singers over who goes next. I’m sure that was more interesting than watching them sing.
  • I spend a ridiculous amount of time looking for clothes I’ve never owned.
  • LA has me so paranoid that I don’t even park my car close to the red curb in case that it moves towards the red when I’m away.
  • All these earthquakes and fires is more proof that California is not very people friendly.
  • My afro-latina mom always asks God to come down and ‘look at this?’ Wasn’t it bad enough the first time he came down?
  • The world needs better disposable toilet seat covers. Those things rip too easily and that’s just a waste of perfectly good paper.
  • When people reply to my posts right away it freaks me out. That’s why I always wait at least 30 minutes before replying and sometimes even forget about your post for a few weeks.
  • Cashiers who continue to put coins on top of receipts or paper bills should be blacklisted.

Wait, what?

The same people that are okay with hunting animals will throw a fit if you walk on their front lawn. You know the saying, if it helps you sleep at night? Well, you’re still a murderer if calling it ‘hunting’ helps you sleep at night. You’re also a coward that wears camouflage clothing and must shoot from far away. If the animals had a fair fighting chance to go head to head with you they would  k i l l  y o u!

Dedicated to all the cabrones cobardes, bastardos y los HDP

What have the states been up to?

  • Biden and Trump fight for Arizona’s Hispanic vote. The two agree that they prefer the name Hispaniola to Hispanic.
  • Luckily for Florida, Hurricane Isaias has been downgraded to a tropical storm. Unfortunately, stupidity and greed continue to be a major threat to the state.
  • Alabama State Rep. Dismukes has resigned as pastor of a Baptist church after speaking at a KKK founder’s birthday party. His religious work as pastor conflicted with his love of wizards.
  • Rhode Island issues tax refund checks signed by Walt Disney and Mickey Mouse. A ludicrous attempt to get Rhode Islanders to come to the happiest place on earth, now offering free Coronavirus with each admission.

It’s National Mutt Day

I’ve already texted my mother and wished a great day for her dogs, except for Max, so that they know how special they are to us.  Those two mutts are the apple of our eyes. Starting tomorrow we’ll remember a barely haired eight pound pure bred Yorkie called Max. The name sounds larger than his tiny body. He’s adorable, but today we must show our Silver and Campi how beautiful they also are inside and out. Don’t feel bad for him! Max will not be upset or feel left out, because he rarely cares about anyone else but himself. He’s got that pure bred privilege going on.  Chances are that he’ll spend the day hiding under my mother’s bed because of the rain and thunder – reference to you, Hurricane Isaias – and will not even hear the festivities for Silver and Campi. So we all win in a way!

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